Oh hello there again early development of my sexuality
Please signal boost and get the word out, The Midnight Mine is NOT a safe space for kinky POC.
I was asked to share this information by an acquaintance who prefers to remain anonymous.
Here is their message:
I’d just like to warn people in Phoenix, AZ and local areas NOT to support or visit The Midnight Mine, which is a small BDSM dungeon/playspace that also hosts workshops and sells toys. All prominent members of the organizing committee there, and the owner, are unapologetic white supremacists. Proof screencaps are from their recent event page a few days ago. I only screencapped the racist comments for the safety of those making the anti-racist ones, though luckily there were those comments, too. Several of the anti-racist comments were then “inexplicably” deleted by the Midnight Mine’s organizers. While I did not obtain screencaps of this, one of the owners also used the N-word in the comments. The Midnight Mine has created an unapologetically racist and unsafe space for PoC, and should not be supported in any way.
screencaps under the read more, mind the warnings listed in the title
(Source: andimprouvaire)
As much as I hate human interaction I really enjoy gd. It was fun to cuddle with Lamia and watch people.
Like a girl was getting birthday spankings and you could volunteer and choose the implement of your choice and a guy chose to spank her WITH ANOTHER GIRL. He just picked her up and swung her at the other girl’s bottom 28 times. Like wow you guys are creative.
And then they asked my top if she wanted to join and Lamia just goes “Well I have this dick” and so she made me go get her big purple floppy dick. It was amusing.
I couldn’t do anything bruisey but lamia tied me up to her friend and stuck us in a cage and poked my ribs and told me if I squirmed I’d hurt her friend.
It’s kinda interesting/annoying to see how readily guys will flock to a scene with certain subbier seeming girls and feel allowed to interrupt the scene by talking into it.
Also I have a good creepdar. Man that’s my least favorite part of going out is just like this guy comes up to me and says something completely innocent and I’m just like “nope, creep” and later those suspicions are confirmed.
This has been my post GD ramble. Time to get ready to go to Florida.
Also, he said he was gonna put the crickets on my cheek. MY EYE IS NOT MY CHEEK. Didn’t bother me though. Just thought it was funny.
Being smothered bothers me. Seeing someone being smothered after I was smothered bothers me.
Military play officially creeps me out just because of the fact no one has a problem mentioning the war in relation to the play.
Like wtf.
All in all kind of meh about the night. It was a lot of build up for a really short scene that was not really effective for what it was supposed to do psychologically to the other person.
I am gonna be the mole who breaks real easy and withstands some of the intended victims limits to scare her moar.
This sounds fun.
Also he is some actual former speshul forces shit, so hmm.
He’s going to cut my hair, smother me (Which is actually a soft limit because it makes me panic, but he needs me to be panicky so it works) choke me out, and hit me while I’m tied to a chair.
I am supposed to act super panicked and stuff, which I am good at.
I’m feeling really pansexual which is weird since I’m a het-romantic ace
But not too weird because I’m a slutty ace anyway and kinda het-flex
Anyway, I really wanna go pick up a stranger at a bar.
But tomorrow at work is gonna be hell and I need all my spoons and random encounters can either be…
Woah. Minus the part where I’m the straightest person ever and not ace— which is admittedly a large part— this is almost exactly me. I am drinking rum, was just thinking about being choked, considered doing a bar hookup, but then remembered that I have to be functional for work tomorrow… and also bar hookups are always disappointingly vanilla :-(
Raising my glass to you in horny solitary-solidarity
Ugh we need partners-on-demand but that doesn’t usually work very well.
I mean, my last partner-on-demand got really stupid and now I can’t be around swords? Because weird almost triggers and losing of my spoons.
I don’t know, lady. I think I just need more rum. And a person for make outs and chokings.
I can wait for my room mate to come home from the club for make outs but those would be super subby make outs and not have any of the violence I need tonight.
And my problem with hook ups isn’t really the vanilla-ness so much as the possibility for like extreme fuckery. Like even vanilla sex, as long as it isn’t extremely weak and bad, is gonna be hurtful on some level for me and so kinda nice
But like just the emotional fuckery I can’t stand like, the last person I had sex with (Back in fucking march) just acted like he wanted nothing to do with me for the most part after (And we’re friends now, because of mutual connections, but like, don’t just wake up and go sit on your couch until I leave, that’s weird) , and that sucked since he lived right next door to me. And the guy before that rifled through my shit and found some med bills and asked me if I was crazy, and just
Fuck man, random encounters can be emotionally violent.
I am babbling and kinda drunk.
Fuck.
#BOTTOM 4EVA!! #i like to be a bottom #bottom pride #FUCK topping people
Like that time Shane made me staple Cassie’s ass?
-_- I was more upset than the girl with staples in her ass.
So there is something going on on fetlife, and I’ve largely been avoiding it. I read part of one thread and felt sick and couldn’t.
And that, and just generally the fact I cannot be out in my social groups without seeing someone who has hurt me, got me thinking
No one who has ever crossed boundaries with me or did what would be considered sexual assault or outright rape to me would ever say or fathom they did anything wrong. Well, I don’t know what’s in their heads, but the things they said
Like I told one date I wasn’t going to put up with it, I had been sexually assaulted or whatever before and I didn’t want to deal with her doing it, it had been a lovely night but bye
And she answers back “I would never do anything like what he did. I’m not like that.” Not five minutes after I had to push her off of me after repeatedly saying no sternly and pushing her hands away from up my skirt.
And the dude who had less-then-consensual sex with me, he has no idea why I won’t talk to him or be near him whenever we cross paths in the local goth community. He laughs and tells nearby people “That’s weird I make her run off. We used to date.” And I just feel really sick he has told people we used to date. No, I used to drink and you used to do things I told you not to once I was barely fucking coherent. I’m not even sure he knows I remember that he did them. And he certainly had no problem getting me alone after I had told him I didn’t want to go home with him, that I was drunk and did not think I wanted to do that.
And then I defriended a play partner of mine (You may know him as the guy we mock relentlessly. If you don’t, you might not know him) because when we weren’t even playing, he broke safe word shit by repeatedly trying to hit me with the flat of a sword. And I don’t think he even knows I’m angry at him for that and I certainly am not gonna start that conversation. And it’s not like it bugs me much, I knew he was a jerk so it’s no big loss there, except now it really FREAKS ME THE FUCK OUT when people are playing with swords near me. And that is really stupid.
But what is wrong with people that they cannot understand that good sex or playing is not when someone is trying to push you off, saying no or whatever word, or is too drunk to consent and is still not giving consent? That negotiations can be fun, enthusiastic consent is beautiful, and making sure consent even exists is fucking vital?
I don’t even want to be around people without radicalized ideas of consent AND I HATE THAT THAT’S WHAT I CALL MY IDEA OF CONSENT BECAUSE IT IS NOT RADICAL IT IS JUST FUCKING CONSENT. You just fucking talk or communicate about what you want or don’t want and its not hard.
Last night should have been a lot of fun.
Like A WHOLE LOT OF FUN.
It was edgeplay night and there was so much crazy stuff going on! I saw two girls squirming in a pool of their own blood and it was gross and hot and squicky and really hot. There was people screaming from some really intense scenes (OH god pool of ice water) and it should have been really fun to watch. I even did a little of stuff, since my friend wanted a demo sub for breath play. I got choked out a couple of times for the first time in a LONG time. Which made me giggle and try to repeatedly scream “I fell down! I fell down!” though not sure if I said anything or flailed when I tried to or did anything. I love being choked out. And it was Devin’s “last hurrah” (Oh shut your amazing face, you’ll be home here before you know it) and he’s new but I really like him and new people who don’t make me feel horrible and like drowning are REALLY good and rare and like amazing, and I should have had more fun goddammit.
But for most of the night I was just horribly aware of no matter where I was, I felt awkward and people would see me and dislike me and think I was weird or awkward or ugly or fat or oh god what if anyone talked to me what do I do? I spent a good part of the night just trying to find a corner I could stand in and not want to die.
I don’t know. Parties, man. Its a iffy social setting for me.
This video sums up the early development of my sexuality. Except the part where the rose-throwing freak saves her. What a jerk.
I just want to state before hand, I’m not really pissed about the events that will be in this post, but trigger warning for some rape-y content. Also for sex. And anal.
I need to not tell guys drunkenly while having sex, when they ask what I like, that I’m kinky and a sub. What I’m trying to tell them is “Hold me down, and maybe down the road we can negotiate something more.”
But their minds instantly jumps to “I’ll just do whatever I want.”
And then they try to stick their dick in my ass with no lube without asking.
Not ok. Kinda rapey. Also, ow.
But whatever, DM; HS, right? (Eh, seriously getting laid was nice. And we were both purty drunk so I’m not upset.
