Last night should have been a lot of fun.
Like A WHOLE LOT OF FUN.
It was edgeplay night and there was so much crazy stuff going on! I saw two girls squirming in a pool of their own blood and it was gross and hot and squicky and really hot. There was people screaming from some really intense scenes (OH god pool of ice water) and it should have been really fun to watch. I even did a little of stuff, since my friend wanted a demo sub for breath play. I got choked out a couple of times for the first time in a LONG time. Which made me giggle and try to repeatedly scream “I fell down! I fell down!” though not sure if I said anything or flailed when I tried to or did anything. I love being choked out. And it was Devin’s “last hurrah” (Oh shut your amazing face, you’ll be home here before you know it) and he’s new but I really like him and new people who don’t make me feel horrible and like drowning are REALLY good and rare and like amazing, and I should have had more fun goddammit.
But for most of the night I was just horribly aware of no matter where I was, I felt awkward and people would see me and dislike me and think I was weird or awkward or ugly or fat or oh god what if anyone talked to me what do I do? I spent a good part of the night just trying to find a corner I could stand in and not want to die.
I don’t know. Parties, man. Its a iffy social setting for me.